Matt Rogers

Turning Xmas classics into ridiculous parodies. Creator of Illegals in My Yard.


Matt Rogers - Rudolph the Deep Throat Reindeer (OFFICIAL VIDEO)

My neighbors hump, and I'm listening
My D hard, its head is glistenin'
A beautiful sight, I squeeze it real tight
I love to choke my chicken with my hand


My balls are blue, my C is smokin'
I grab my rod, and start a-strokin'
It's a sight to behold when I'm shootin' my load
I love to choke my chicken with my hand


People like to say that I'm a loner
It's been said that I am very sick
'Cause all I do is sit and stroke my boner
But I wouldn't if my tongue could reach my D

With each yank, I perspire
I shoot my load ever higher
I won't even mind if I end up blind
I love to choke my chicken with my hand

My mother ripped up all my dirty pictures
I paid prostitutеs for me to date
My sister said shе'd lick mine if I licked hers
Hey, get off my back, and let me 
I use both hands, if I want to
My balls and I will never be blue
If I had my way, I'd keep  all day
I love to choke my chicken with my hand

Matt Rogers - I Love to Choke My Chicken With My Hand (OFFICIAL VIDEO)

GRANDPA GOT RUN OVER BY A BEER TRUCK
COMING OUT OF WOODY'S CHRISTMAS DAY
GRANDMA GOT A JOB OUT AT THE BREWERY
I NEVER KNEW THAT SHE COULD DRIVE THAT WAY
1. GRANDPA WAS OUT DRINKING WITH THE FLOOZIES
SPENDING ALL OF GRANDMA'S HARD EARNED DOUGH
HE DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TO PAY THE BAR TAB
SO WOODY TOSSED HIM OUT INTO THE SNOW
2. GRANDPA STOOD THERE FROZEN IN THE HEAD LIGHTS
HE LOOKED JUST AS HELPLESS AS A DEER
I DON'T THINK HE WAS AFRAID OF DYING
I THINK HE WAS AFRAID HE'D SPILL HIS BEER
GRANDPA GOT RUN OVER BY A BEER TRUCK
3. WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT HE'D END UP AS A ROAD KILL
SHE FLATTENED HIM RIGHT OUT ON THE CENTER LINE
HE COULD HAVE MADE IT TO THE CURB IF HE WERE QUICKER
BUT SHE BACKED IT UP AND SQUASHED HIM ONE MORE TIME
4. GRANDMA CRIED AND CRIED AT GRANDMA'S FUNERAL
NOT BECAUSE WE PEELED HIM OFF THE ROAD
ALL THE LOOT SHE GOT FROM HIS INSURANCE
WENT TO PAY THE BAR TAB THAT HE OWED
GRANDPA GOT RUN OVER BY A BEER TRUCK

Matt Rogers - Grandpa got run over by a beer truck (OFFICIAL VIDEO)

Frost the Dope man, was a violent angry soul, with a crack rock pipe and a couple hoes and 2 eyes like red hot coals

Frosty the DopeMan was a n***a from round my way, he used too sling that coke, but got hooked on dope on a cold ass Christmas Day

He must of been an addict when he got the whole quarter pound, because when he shot it in his veins he begain too dance around

Frosty the dope man caught HIV while using interveinous drugs but he’s just like you and me

Frosty the dope man knew the cops was out that day, so he said “n***a run” tossed the gun before the pigs got their way

Oh down in the jail cell they stuck wingstips up his ass, he was not queer but he did not care because they gave him a big dime bag

You’ll find him round deep and brown right where the addicts cop, he’s sitting on a door step into the night until he slowly drops

Frosty the dope man sadly passed away, but he waved goodbye saying “don’t get high” or I’ll come back and haunt you from the grave

This is just a song to help you get hooked on dope.

Matt Rogers - Frosty the dope man (OFFICIAL VIDEO)

https://open.spotify.com/track/6kCUcbe3nYwUigWT9SF8UL

[Chorus]
Illegals in my yard
Illegals in my yard
Illegals in my yard
Throw them some pesos, and they work so hard
Illegals in my yard
Illegals in my yard
Illegals in my yard
I don't even ask if they got green card

[Verse 1]
They're gonna pave up my driveway this Christmas
They're gonna clean all my cars this Christmas
They're gonna shovel all the snow this Christmas
Those illegals in my yard
They're gonna dig me a pool this Christmas
They're gonna landscape my lawn this Christmas
They're gonna cook me up some tacos this Christmas
Those illegals in my yard

[Chorus]
Illegals in my yard
Illegals in my yard
Illegals in my yard
16 arrive in a stolen car
Illegals in my yard
Illegals in my yard
Illegals in my yard
When they're not working they sit at the bar

[Verse 2]
They're gonna drink some Cervezas this christmas
They're gonna shoot some Tequila this Christmas
They're gonna get DUIs this Christmas
Those illegals in my yard
They're getting free organ transplants this Christmas
They're going to have anchor babies this Christmas
They're gonna scream "Si se puede" this Christmas
Those illegals in my yard

[Chorus]
Illegals in my yard
Illegals in my yard
Illegals in my yard
One at a time run past those border guards
Illegals in my yard
Illegals in my yard
Illegals in my yard
Hugo Chávez sent his kind regards

[Verse 3]
They're gonna tackle Pat Buchanan this Christmas
They're gonna chase down Lou Dobbs this Christmas
They're gonna join up with "La Raza" this Christmas
Those illegals in my yard
They're gonna spread bubonic plague this Christmas
They're gonna bring me lots of bedbugs this Christmas
They're gonna pass tuberculosis this Christmas
Those illegals in my yard